To Do

Hating yourself isn't poetry, you know.
But it's a lot easier to hate than love and it's a lot easier to be crazy than sane or maybe it's easier to be sane than crazy, I dunno.

Girls, stop highlighting your hair the color of suicide,
and boys, stop falling asleep to netflix. It's bad for your eyes.

Everyone, stop wearing so much death. Colors are cool. Dye your hair blue and get some new piercings. (maybe don't do the last one, I did that and my mom was angry.)
Eat fried chicken if you want, learn how to make tortillas.
Listen to the Weepies, watch the movie "Scott Pilgrim vs. The World"
Take a bath
IN BLOOD
just kidding, but take a bath and fall asleep and listen to music and relax.

Fail a test. Get 36%. It will make you feel like crap but then you'll feel better about the next test you take.

Get your palm read. Apparently it's complete bullshit but it makes you feel cool.

Google stuff you want to know about. Read scientific articles online.

Break a bone.

Love something a freaking lot. And then learn how to stop loving it. And then love something else and stop loving that too.

Pray. It doesn't matter what the heck you are praying to, but pray and pray and pray.


Oh, and don't forget to tattoo every mistake you make onto your forearm.

*sigh*

sorry if the writing is too small for you to read
zoom in or get a magnifying glass

remember I'm forgetting

                                   

I remember sitting in my underwear eating cereal from trader joes and falling asleep to hospice and waking up to rain. I remember what the clock said; I remember the date matching it perfectly. I remember being happy and sad and happy.

I remember walking that dog. I remember walking that dog around the block, across the grass, through the park, on the benches. I remember running and running and crying a tiny bit. I remember opening that front door and feeling like a million dollars and walking up those stairs and feeling like one.

I remember the porch, ten feet in the air. I remember the broken glass and burnt meat and unlit cigarettes. I remember the plants, dying faster than the floating goldfish in the dirty fishbowl. I remember those movies taking the place of the books and the books taking the place of fine wine. I remember the fine wine taking place of the food and the food being nowhere in sight.

I remember the fireworks, your yells were louder. I remember the hammock, your hugs were tighter. I remember the encyclopedia and the bible and that fancy computer, but I remember you always had the answers. I remember the poker table and the alcohol, but you knew the right games to play.

I remember sitting in my underwear eating cereal from trader joes and falling asleep to hospice and waking up to rain. I remember what the clock said; I remember the date matching it perfectly. I remember being happy and sad and happy.

six words were never enough for (us)

(III XIII MMXIII)

24% unsure

I'm sitting in my bathtub right now.

There are bubbles and it's dark and I'm thinking thinking thinking.

I'm thinking about the last time I did a cartwheel and the last time I cried and the last time I made cotton candy (I can do that, well, because I am very very cool.)

I'm thinking about how math works and how I want to become a geologist but I'm too scared because of all the science and math classes you're required to take.

I'm thinking about the taste of cigarettes on your mouth and how I hate the taste of cigarettes (but secretly like it a tiny bit.)

I'm thinking about how I could slip my head under this water and not ever come up, but I know I would because I'd start panicking at 43 seconds (I've timed myself before, is that weird?)

I'm thinking about all the lies I've told and all the lies I wish I'd told and all the lies I'm probably going to tell.

I'm thinking about you and him and her and her and this boy I saw at Target who I think is/was my soul mate because he had pretty hair and nice clothes but he was with his mom and I was with my mom and so we just kinda stared at each other and wandered away but I am 76% sure that we were soul mates.

I'm thinking about how to steal poptarts from the vending machine because I'm poor and can't afford to pay one dollar for two pre-baked toaster pastries.

I'm thinking about muddy buddies because I'm always thinking about muddy buddies because I can never have them but I always want them and they are just so freaking good.

I'm thinking about love because I'm always thinking about love because I always think I'm in love but I'm probably not.

shit, muddy buddies are so much better than love.